I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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