I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
