And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
