hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
