The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize