I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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