When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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