She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
