we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
