dude i'm inner monologue high
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize