dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
