Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
