Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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