Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
