you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
