I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
