So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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