By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
