I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
