I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
