Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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