Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize