I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
