I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
