guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
