You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
