one might say we're banned from that church
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
