My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
