it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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