Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
