he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
