yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize