One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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