Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
