i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
