Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
