I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
