think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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