have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize