I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
a search helicopter?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
