My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
