I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
