Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
