is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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