yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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