I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
