The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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