fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
