I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
