Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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