wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
