No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
