Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Michael Bay diarrhea
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
