Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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