Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
