Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
