You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
