This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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