I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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