totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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