the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
