she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
