I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
