she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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