Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
