she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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