she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
