that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
