After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
