How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
