dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she smelled like a LAN party
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
