Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
