Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
