We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
