btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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